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    女孩,你為什么不沉住氣奮斗

    時間:2014-09-04 / 點擊:次 / 文章投稿

      當你年輕的時候,你該有沉得住氣的遠見和毅力。看見周圍的人談戀愛了,看見誰又去KTV了,看見誰又在宿舍呆了幾天上網。于是,你就沉不住氣了,你懷疑現在努力是為了什么,為什么別人每天安逸舒適,而我卻要孤寂、不斷奮斗。特別是,當你還是一個女生?

      一個阿姨跟我說,她二十多歲的時候,她周圍所有的人都結婚了,只是她一個人還沒有。看著昔日同事抱著一歲多了的孩子出現在她的面前,她只有回家一個人默默地吞眼淚。正好這時候,她碰到了我叔叔,各方面都還合適,她就把自己給嫁了。本來她報了一個大學的進修班,可是結婚后,哪還有時間看書,生了孩子就更加不可能了。可和她一起的另一個女人不同。她26歲了,26歲,在一個小地方,在上個世紀,基本上可以跟一輩子嫁不出去劃等號。但是,她一直沉著氣,在周圍女人的街坊里短,流言蜚語里面堅定地學習。不用說,這個故事的結尾,阿姨語重心長地告訴我,現在的那個女人,已經到上海去了,言談舉止,眼界視野遠不是她能比及的。而這一切的開始都是那個大學的進修班。

      母親說,女人最幸福的一生是人生層次不斷上升的一生。那些我見過的活的最悲慘的女人是那些年輕的時候眾人照顧捧在手心,沒能嫁一個好丈夫,青春轉眼逝去后,年齡往上,自己在最黃金的時候卻沒有努力。那以后的人生就將一路往下,失去了最大也是僅有的資本,卻究其一生也無法再適應不在眾人手心的境遇和人生。40多歲了,在菜市場賣菜,蓬松的頭發和暗黃的皮膚,埋頭于討價還價,甚至都不曾注意到身邊熟人路過。曾經青春美貌又怎么樣?這種女人是我見過的活的最慘的一種女人。

      二十歲出頭的女生,無疑是最美好最美麗的年華。但這時候的女生大多對自己的人生毫不清晰。我們不知道自己要的是什么,追求的是什么,怎么樣才能得到幸福。的確,最美麗的時候如果在戀愛中度過,每天安逸舒適,那將是最美好的回憶之一,可是美好之后呢?

      在你身邊那個二十多歲一無所有,稚氣未脫的男生。如果他選擇了奮斗,那么假以時日,你們的眼界層次慢慢就分開了,當愛情的炙熱褪去,他對能干成熟的女同事屢屢示好,你不要罵他沒有良心。享受了你最美好的年華后卻不給你幸福的以后,畢竟一生不是用道德譴責和良心來維系的。

      如果他選擇了和你一起玩樂,那人到中年,當你回首人生,與周圍不同層次的人比較時,你是該后悔自己拖累了你的愛人,還是在聽到莎士比亞“真正的愛情使人向上”時懷疑你們之間的是不是真正的愛情?那么也請你不要在以后柴米油鹽經濟拮據的時候,指著丈夫的腦門大罵他無能。你知道,這樣的現狀你至少有一半的功勞。

      女孩,你為什么不沉住氣奮斗 www.yzmyzd.com

      女生,不論什么時候,都請有自己的目標和努力。

      我看到過許多女生,戀愛之前都有著勃勃的目標和追求,言談舉止大方大氣,各種能力不讓須眉。戀愛后我卻只看到一個男生背后亦步亦趨的小女生,三句話就是她男朋友,今后的整個人生都提前繞著他打轉。也許你會說,女人應該示弱,太過強勢,男生會敬而遠之。我想反駁的是,示弱的前提是你本來強大,而不是在戀愛的溫室中煮著青蛙一樣的越來越依賴。你不是金絲籠里的小鳥,到要飛的時候發現自己已經不適應外面殘酷的世界。而且,如果一個女生有目標有夢想就叫強勢的話,那我想說,這樣的男生太弱了,他要用女生的弱勢來維系他虛弱的自尊心。

      我從來都鄙視那些殉情的男人,在我也許偏激的觀點里,男人是該干大事業的,而不是完全沉溺于兒女情長。殉情這種文藝的事,對一個女人負責了,對其余所有人包括他自己都不負責。傅雷在他的家書中語重心長地對他的兒子說,不要因為女人或者是感情而舒緩了自己的事業心。這里面的男權思想我們暫且不論,他的說法也不無道理,君不見多少英雄難過美人關?

      每一個成功的男人背后都有一個得力的女人。也許你不得力,但至少你不要成為他努力向上道路中的下拉阻力。你知道,地球引力這么大,拖個尾巴不容易。況且,最重要的還不是這個,而是你還要默默忍受男權社會的各種不合理到什么時候呢?

      你為什么要奮斗?我想問你,為什么男生在奮斗而你不是?

      最悲哀的不是先賢向人類揭示真理而卻被群氓誤解,像蘇格拉底和耶穌那樣被他愛的大眾殺死。而是無數女性曾經為了男女平等的社會奔走呼號后,我們當代的更多女性想象和訴諸的理所當然的手段還是拼命減肥、整容、化妝、美白,然后嫁一個富二代坐在寶馬里終成人生夢想。你要知道富二代沒那么多,你要知道擺個花瓶在家里也會看膩的,你要知道新的年輕美貌的女孩兒跟蔥般一截一截的。

      其實,這些終歸到底還是取悅于男權的話語。你為什么要奮斗,因為你從來都是也應該是一個獨立的個體。

      不要因為現狀不合理你就以為那是應然狀態,不要因為自身的惰性和歷史強大的慣性你就再滑回到那個安逸的小家里去。而且家里有的不僅僅是安逸,它還有瑣碎的家務,日復一日的庸俗電視劇,不過多久你滿嘴叨念全部目力所及的都將是你家長里短的雞毛蒜皮。

      每當我想到南丁格爾,她反對全家的阻力,然后毅然絕然的開創了一個新的職業,我就恨不得熱淚盈眶;民國秋瑾、許廣平、向警予,多少女子沖破世俗的偏見,追求自由的愛情,又有多少女人像男人一樣救國家于危難;建國以后就更不用說了,女人曾同男人一樣勞動、挖溝、進工廠。當然這也被今人廣泛詬病為沒有女性特征。這樣是否完全合理,我們暫且不論。但舉目四望,現在的女人呢?

      太多女人人生的夢想就是釣個金龜婿,沒有人來潛規則她,她卻自動送上門去。越來越多的女大學生心中想象的不是自己奮斗出一份天地,而是嫁得個好男人,實現人生階層的飛躍。多少女人靠臉蛋靠身材來博得出位。女人,你不要自甘墮落,你不要不自重。社會在墮落,你不潔身自好,也不需要最先墮落。時代的門在男女平等上曾經打開過,女人,現在不要因為你們自己而讓這扇門虛掩。

      你知道,讓三個男人難忘的林徽因,她有的絕不僅僅是漂亮的外表,她還有出眾的文筆,她不到二十歲就和梁思成一起赴美留學,和梁有著共同的志趣。

      女人,請不要空等男人來給你幸福,給你金錢給你關愛。這樣的等待像買彩票,太玄乎。你為什么不自己給自己幸福。在你有運氣得到男人所給的幸福之前,請你先有能力自己給自己幸福。又或者,你不該這樣的守株待兔,同樣是社會,為什么男人拼的是真才實學,而女人卻有另一條完全不同的成功小道?不管它是崎嶇還是迅捷,中國社會的游戲規則難道也要學美國一樣來個雙重標準?

      當每一個成功女性都在某次訪談中欲言又止,只好說出:女人,太優秀了,除非找個好男人否則沒有好下場;光鮮亮麗的女主播,美麗的臉上劃過一絲不為人知的傷痛,語重心長地說:女人,職場上沒有公平可言;美女一生順風順水,丑女一世不得翻身;整個社會對女人美貌的追求像對男人成功的追逐一樣登峰造極,又或者,女人最大的成功就被潛在定義為美貌的臉蛋和魔鬼的身材,最快捷的成功方式就是靠美貌。當這一切都是你所耳濡目染的現狀的時候,你就不想努力做一點改變嗎?

      一百年前,我們的學生沒有機會自由讀書,列強欺凌、軍閥混戰,多少家庭父親賣掉女兒,老人徒然餓死。但多少代人的犧牲和努力換來我們現在擁有的一切;一百年后,如果中國的大地上還是忍受著高昂的物價,食品不安全、醫療無保障、出門怕被撞、孩子怕被拐,那么這將是我們這幾代人的恥辱!

      一百年前,幾代女性沖破封建婚姻的枷鎖,你現在才有機會和你的男朋友自由戀愛;一百年后,如果你的后代在職場上還要忍受不公,還一輩子在家庭里庸俗終老,還是丑女永無出頭之日,這將是你的恥辱。

      承擔社會進步責任的,從來都不應該僅僅是男人。這個社會因差異而豐富多彩,因尊重而不斷進步。

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