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  • 您現在的位置:首頁 > 文章 > 關于生活的文章 > 生活隨筆

    在回憶中死去

    時間:2014-09-04 / 點擊:次 / 文章投稿
      
      我一直都在紀錄著我的生活,我的過去。
      我想我是一個很好的紀錄者,我一直都是一個人去旅行,不斷地去很多地方,讓自己感到那么一絲絲的快樂,然后在回憶中死去,到最后剩下的痛苦,讓我感到前所未有的絕望,我的心,一次又一次的被傷害著。我也只能堅持著,有時候當我的心靈受到傷害了,我就會一個人靜靜地望著窗外,望著這個世界是多么的大?而自己卻是如此的渺小,想著,不停地想著,讓自己高傲的枯萎掉,我曾無數次想把過去的一切都忘掉,可是卻無數次的失敗,可能我真的要注定傷感了?我為了自己想得到的東西,都在傷害著別人。而別人也一直為了自己想得到的東西,傷害著我。傷來傷去,還是傷了自己!這樣的生活,或許都不是每個人想要的?可是還能怎么樣,這樣的生活已經被注定了,不管怎么樣的生活,都要過,不管怎么樣的路,都要走。一切的一切好像真得已被過定了?當我很努力很努力的時候,傷痛的裂刀卻一刀一刀的剖開我的心,讓我傷痛欲絕。
      幸福誰都有過,可是幸福那背后的傷痛,誰能去承受?我試問一下自己,我真的能去承受嘛?就算是不能,我也習慣了,我時常一個人的時候,常常會發呆,去想很多很多的事情,人生,過去,未來,不停的去想著,覺得未來對我來說,真的好迷茫,都不知道我的未來應該怎么走下去?每當想到這里的時候,心里的那種恐懼始終還殘忍在心里,怎么抹都抹不掉?到最后我無謂的堅持會是什么?
      那天,我妹給我我發了一條短信,“哥,對于愛情,我真的堅持不住了,每次都告訴自己,要堅強,可是眼淚一次又一次的劃過我冰冷的臉,打濕我的枕頭,帶著眼淚入睡,每次看到別的情侶那么要好,我真得好羨慕,心真得好痛。”我看了我妹給我發的這條短信后,那種心酸的滋味又涌上心頭,其實誰又可謂不是這樣,堅持不能堅持的,就算不能堅持,也要強忍著眼淚,不讓它流下來!那樣所謂的自尊心,是那么的卑微。人生就像一張桌子,上面都擺滿了茶具和杯具,每個人都選擇了茶具,到最后茶具破了,而自己還是杯具。我不斷的希望,又不斷的失望,有時候我也不知道我的心里除了這些,剩下的會是什么?拿起了手機,將在那一剎那爆發的傷感,重重的打在了手機鍵盤上,“堅持,不能堅持,那又怎么了?至少你曾經很努力過了,就算到最后滿身是傷,我知道你也還在堅持著,如果到最后你們還是分手了,你也不許哭,因為他已經不值得看到你傷心的那一面了,你要學會懂得面對,總會有結果的,要是你到最后真的不能堅持了,摔倒了,我會上去扶你一把,笑著告訴你,你不是永遠都只是一個人,你還有很多可以陪在你身邊的人。”
      當放下了手機,耳邊的旋律忽然又響起了,那一首林育群的《未來第一站》,每當聽到這首歌的時候,我的心就如刀割一般痛,眼淚不自覺地的劃落下來,抬起頭,看著空蕩蕩的房間,心里真的好孤寂,坐在角落里的我縮成一團,告訴自己,不可以這么脆弱,點上了一根煙,抽出得是我的寂寞,吐出得是我的煩惱。煙霧不停地在房間彌漫著,然后慢慢的散開,再也消失不見。真的不知道傷感的源泉到何時才能停止?有那么一天,三個90后的年輕人,坐在空蕩蕩的教室里,聽著傷感的音樂,想著自己的人生,覺得對未來是多么的迷茫,當音樂停止在那一句:“一個人走了太多,眼淚也不停轉著,誰把愛贊下來給我”心卻如此之痛。
      每當到放學的時候,所有人都走光了,就只剩下我一個人,打開了MP3,戴上了耳機,趴在課桌上,就這樣一個人靜靜地聽著,直到很久很久。真的好喜歡沉浸在這種感覺當中,回過神來,太陽都已經快要下山了,或許也只能是這種感覺,會讓我心里很平靜,那個冬天的夜晚,我一個獨自走在街道上,和街上的人不斷得擦肩而過,擦肩而過的那一瞬間,忽然看到了那熟悉的臉龐,原來是她,我以前很深愛過的她,可是她的左手卻被別人緊緊地牽著,是一個很高大的男生,難道這就是她曾提過的他嘛?那一刻她仿佛也看見了我,而她卻急忙的緊低著頭,當作沒看見我一樣,在燈光的照耀下,隱隱約約能看清她的臉龐,我們的距離就在幾米之下,她的氣息還是那么熟悉,可我卻感到她像是變了一個人,覺得是那么的陌生,以前的她一點都不愛笑,可是她現在卻笑得那么開心,或許她真的比以前過的很快樂!我為什么會去無謂的在乎她?我們現在好像什么關系都沒有了吧?就這樣彼此擦肩而過,誰也沒有停下腳步,回頭望去,心此刻很狠地疼了一下,路邊的手機店仿佛又響起了那一首蕭亞軒的《最熟悉的陌生人》,這首歌又讓我想起了,她和我的過去,是如此的懷念,我想她現在過的那么好,已經不會再需要我了,我又何必再去在乎我們以前之間的愛情,算了!至少我們曾經也很快樂過,抬起頭,樹上的樹葉擋住了一大半的天空,風不自覺得吹起,樹葉不停地在空中擺動著,心忽然感到有一點凄涼,我真得已習慣這樣沒人陪伴的生活了吧,那樣有人陪的滋味,我已經好久都沒有了,閉上眼,不管是難過,還是傷心的回憶,就讓我慢慢的在這樣的回憶中死去吧,淚在燈光下閃耀的光芒,是那么清晰,只怪我們當初,愛的那么精彩,而到最后的分開,卻是那么讓人心痛。
      每個人的心中都有一個夢想,而誰都相信真的有世界末日那一天,如果世界末日真的來了,那我們還要夢想和未來有什么用!
      我曾經一直在原地等待過你,而你卻忘記了怎么來這里。
      我不需要太多的憐憫,因為我會很堅強的活著!
      心里的回憶慢慢的會淡掉的只剩下傷口!
      本人QQ:1073939776
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