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    信紙上的舊時光

    時間:2016-09-05 / 點擊:次 / 文章投稿

      舊時光,緩緩流淌在泛黃的信紙上。一沓一沓的,薄薄的寫起來沙沙作響的信紙,承載著我們青春時代最隱秘最美好的記憶。生活中的春花秋月和脈脈流沙,一一抒發在筆下,在相傳和等待中,寄給另一個人。

      同桌的他

      

    信紙上的舊時光

     

      高一時,我和番薯是同桌。

      當別人都一頭扎進高中學習的緊張與規律中時,我們兩個雖然成績好但不怎么聽話乖巧的異類被班主任調到了一起。難得有女生和男生像哥們一樣能聊到一起,所以,最初的時候,我們相處得別提有多開心了。

      不知從什么開始,我們之間的氣氛變了味道。我發覺,他不再像以前那般隨意開玩笑,說說鬧鬧,不分輕重。而是會意味深長地看我一眼,也會沉默整堂課不說一句話。

      后來,我們被調換了桌位。有一個學期的時間,我們沒有說話,好像負著一股無名的氣,誰都不愿妥協開口,誰也不知道這莫名的情緒從何而來。突然有一天我覺得納悶,我們之間怎么會從相熟無忌到陌生得不說一句話呢?我買了一個筆記本,寫上贈言悄悄地送給他,大意就是希望還能做回朋友。我的主動示好得到他熱烈的回應。陰差陽錯,我們調桌位時變成了前后桌,我前,他后,距離又拉近了。

      高三最后一個學期,對學習從來不上心的我也深深地感受到了高考的無形壓力。記得有一堂語文課上,我們溫習曹操的《觀滄海》一詩,玩笑時,我說,這首詩里有我的小名呢。番薯就將數學課中的排列組合知識運用到極致,拼出各種可能。我最終沒有告訴他答案,他很沮喪。下課后,他把語文課本遞給我,里面夾著一封信。

      這封信徹底改變了我們之間的關系。他終于將他的心跡全部坦白。而我,突然“遭遇”這樣的表白,慌亂成一團。我深知我們之間再也做不回朋友,又或許是因為,我心里早已經住著另外一個男生。我回了他一封信,用最直白和冷硬的話回絕了他,讓他專心學習,別再心猿意馬。

      他還是會偶爾寫信給我,每封信都會折疊成相思葉、心連心等好看的形狀,也總是刻意講笑話逗我開心。我呢,在他的那幫哥們眼里,就是一個“不識貨”的女生。喜歡一個人大約就是這般不理性吧,不會因為他對你多好而接納他,只在乎一時之間的感覺。

      因為受這件事的影響,他的學習狀態非常差,高考考得不理想。我們上了不同的大學,從此天各一方。他漸行漸遠,走出我的視線。

      時隔多少年,每次回想起這件事,我都心生歉疚,當時他該有多勇敢和無畏才敢寫信向我表白啊,我卻執拗地沒有給他任何機會。

      對于我喜歡的那個男生,上大學后,我知道再也沒有機會見面和表白,就寫了一封信寄給返校復讀的他。我在信中描繪大學生活是怎樣的,海邊的天空很美,以及,我曾經的曲折的小情結。他很快回了信,信紙也是折疊成好看的形狀,字跡纖細飛揚,十分好看。這是我們唯一一次通信。我從此心事了然,然后按部就班地開始大學另一種生活。

      我依舊寫信,給在其他城市上學的好朋友,還有一個后來變成男朋友但在這之前通信通了很久的男生。此中的故事,大概可以用一本書來描繪。

      那個討厭女生的“情書

      或許很多事情會忘記,我卻永遠記得1996年的秋天。那時剛升初中,和陌生同桌的關系在混熟升溫中,老師突然要求同桌和另外一個女生調換座位。要重新適應新同桌已讓人心生不悅,那女生搬著桌椅到我旁邊時還哭哭啼啼得仿佛受了多大的冤屈。班上的男生圍攏過來安慰她,還指責我怎么不安慰她。我何其無辜,對她的印象差到極致:一個討嫌、嬌氣的愛哭鬼。

      和新同桌的關系處于非常低溫的狀態,不交談、不說笑,一下課我就離開座位,對她的主動示好和笑臉視而不見。如此持續了兩個月,許是我的態度超出了她的忍受極限。某天放學回家,我竟然在書包里發現了一封信。淡粉色、印有卡通少女的信封,我的名字秀麗端莊地寫在上面。信的內容大體是疑惑我的態度為何如此不友善,這讓她很難過無助之類的,信的末尾,她希望我們之間有友善的關系。

      敏感憂郁的年紀,刺猬如我。看著她的信時心里不期然劃過一絲溫暖。是夜,我認真回了她的信,告訴她,我討厭她的嬌氣、討厭她愛哭、討厭她做作……翌日,趁她外出時塞到她的書包里,佯裝無事,心里卻擂鼓轟鳴,這種感覺不亞于初戀所帶來的刺激和興奮。果真,第二天,她回信認真作出了解釋。于是一來一往,我們將羞于用言辭表達的誤解、情思、憂郁和迷惘——化為紙上文字,一起分享,共同解決,互相鼓勵,因父母不在身邊而覺得孤寂自卑的生活也因此變得歡樂充實。知道我們在通信的同學笑話我們,都已經坐在一起了,竟然還寫信,真黏糊。

      讀高中的時候,分讀不同學校的我們,通過信件交流學習資料,鼓勵彼此攜手度過黑色的七月。讀大學時,曾一度對她因戀愛而疏于朋友不滿,寫了封信惡狠狠地責罵她重色輕友。她來信告訴我,我們長大了,有了各自的生活和成長,戀愛并不會影響我們的友情。她的話讓我醒悟到自己的幼稚和自私。后來她才告訴我,我那封“討伐”的信讓她傷心大哭了一整夜。

      我們一直到大學畢業才停止互通信件。她最初的主動雖讓我有些不知所措,如今想來卻充滿感激。感謝我們感性、愛寫“情書”的時光,讓歲月留下青春的痕跡。感謝她的包容和寬厚,我們的人生因彼此更加樂觀向上。

      許多年后,范瑋琪的一首歌《一個像夏天一個像秋天》,準確無誤地唱出我們的故事。

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